dear lord...

Helpless, demands, workload, depressed.

Above are what i can describe about my feelings for the whole of this week. I feel helpless in class, demands from faci, workload and grades that made me depress. I hate school, for the first time. It's stupid, i have whole stack of notes to read and understand. Many many basics in theatre that i need to learn at the back of my hand. Stuffs like...Lighting, sets, props, hairstyle/makeup, costumes, stage management, and all the technical stuffs. I can choose to ignore but the first 2 Cs that is being displayed on my daily grade isn't a pleasant sight. It feels like I'm seeing the letter 'C' for the first time, and don't remind me of any words that begins with 'C'. you must be thinking, it's just two Cs why are you pressurizing yourself so much. But think about it... when you really did put in so much effort in compiling ppt and RJ, just because i didn't speak up a lot in class and the newcomer facis send me straight to zone C. Classmates are like.... -________-"', very competitive and kinda selfish, i see no value in true friendship with them. Maybe i'm jumping into conclusion too fast but at least... that's what i feel for now. 13 weeks more to go (minus off the claiming of leaves), i just feel so helpless and vulnerable in class. Perhaps its just the adaptation period.... I've been trying to comfort myself.

I have been worrying about my elective which i didn't attend today. Anthony my mentor has done me a great favour by helping me dealing with switching of elective and it seems like there's a high percentage that I'll get it. The only thing that is making me think twice, thrice.... is Charlene, Jia Min and JC. I'll probably give it a thorough thought again over the weekend. And there's professional profiling that I've yet started on. To summarize all, it's just too many things to be done in such a short time. Workload just push themselves in at the same time and i feel so suffocated, i want to escape.

Here is my thought, this is my plea!

Lord let your holy light, shine on me.
I wonder will you, hear my prayers?
I know I'm not worthy, but i need your help.

Lord shine your light, shine it this way
Shine it so i can see which way to take.
My faith is in you, to bring me through,
i have one question.

I wonder, I wonder, if the light, from the light house, would shine on me!

HELP ME.